Throw Back Thursday

I am sure most people reading the title already know what this is.  Facebook virtually turns back the clock on Thursday with delightful pictures of my friends and friends of friends post pictures of either their kids when they were younger,  when they were younger, or perhaps their parents or grandparents.   It is very sweet and I am envious.   I lost most of all my childhood pictures to my half sister whom wants nothing to do with me,  the feeling was mutual for a while, a long while.  Its been 21 years since speaking to her.  As time went by I decided to love her and let it go, leaving room for her if she ever decided she wants to join me in the healing.   Quoting a well used Bible verse, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”  1 Corinthians 13:11     The truth is I no longer remember why we ran in opposite directions.  I remember hurt, frustration, and general ickiness.  Which really isn’t all that surprising.  It happens frequently when there is a death in the family.   I have given up thinking about it because I had a life to live and if she didn’t want to be in it,  there was nothing I could do.   I did, once,  write a letter to her about 10 years into it,  explaining how troubling it was that we were missing out sharing the wonderment of our children growing up and us growing older.    So, why am I telling you this?  Because I haven’t more than a few pictures of my long past so I have decided to do my own throwback Thursday on my blog and reach into the past from old blogs and share an entry.   If you were wondering about my letter,  she never answered.

So I take you back to 2005,  when I was married and trying so hard to be happy being married to a man who spent most of his time grumpy about work and tons of other things that I may never know.   I was 4 years into questioning my sexuality and having no one to talk to about it.    But this day I was enjoying nature in my own yard.



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